Knowing me, knowing you...

Let...how are you doing? I tried to call you but you didn't answer...

Anyway, this song by ABBA just cropped up in my mind, and I was thinking that it was really poignant...

ABBA-Knowing me, Knowing you

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you
We just have to face it, this time we're through
(This time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

Mem'ries (mem'ries), good days (good days), bad days (bad days)
They'll be (they'll be), with me (with me) always (always)
In these old familiar rooms children would play
Now there's only emptiness, nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you
We just have to face it, this time we're through
(This time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

I guess that is the best I can do...now I still wonder how you're doing, and I have news and updates of my own life that I would like to share with you, my BFF...I'm so sorry for what I've done, I can't believe it myself..I really don't know how to explain it..

Do let me know when can I, if ever, contact you again :(

PS: I still remember my promise...

5 weeks and counting..

During this period of time, you have no idea so many things happened. Each time the first person I wanted to share with was you, but each time I stopped myself. Guess you will never understand how that feels.

I still cant figure out how you can do this to me and I know I will never be able to forgive you. The anger, disappointment and hurt caused by You, of all people. If only my bestfriend was around..

Boo hoo so hurt.

Yeah sure. HURT. I can totally imagine how hurt you could be after single handedly causing all this. A PRETTY 31 year OLD woman to hold and caress every single night.. ahh, so painful.

So please, spare me your nonsense and fuck your PRETTY hole.

Broken

Life's moving on now, isn't it?

Just happened to hear "Love Generation" on radio yesterday, stopped me in my tracks with an overwhelming wave of nostalgia...Made me think, how are you and how have you been? Yes it still hurts, yes I'm guilty as charged and yes it's all my fault...

BROKEN by Sezairi Sezali

Dropped off your keys last night,

The front door still unpainted.

You were polite like ice,

I, once could melt it.

You took our pictures down,

And you left them on the ground

Its like you wiped all the memories,

Of what we used to be...

You and me, before it all crashed down.

CHORUS:

And I know I never told you,

That I love you,

Now its all too late.

And I don't know how to hold you,

But I want to,

I don't want to leave this way.

All I know,

Is broken.

I heard your voice break, when you said,

"well I hope you're happy".

Nothin' to say, I'll stare, straight into my coffee.

Then the conversation changed,

How we talked around the blame,

And the pain of losing.

All of the good times lost,

When it all crashed down.

CHORUS:

And I know I never told you,

That I love you,

Now its all too late.

And I don't know how to hold you,

But I want to,

I don't want to leave this way.

All I know...

Is broken.

Well I'm here if you need me,

I know you don't believe me.

well I'm so sorry,

For all the pain I've caused.

Ho-oohhhhh...

CHORUS :

And I know I never told you,

That I love you,

Now its all too late.

And I don't know how to hold you,

But I want to,

I don't want to leave this way.

All I know...

Is broken.

Goodbye my almost lover

A Fine Frenzy -- Almost Lovers

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind images
You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick

Well i'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images no

Well i'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and i'm haunted
And i bet you are just fine
Did i make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Tomorrow's "4th anniversary"...

So many regrets, so much heartaches...

I should be happy, but I wonder why I ain't as happy as I thought I would be...Perhaps the passing of more time will help? You, for the thousandth time, will think I'm a hypocrite, but if only you knew...

Many a times, when my mind is unoccupied, especially in the morning, I think of you. Sometimes at night I lie awake, thinking too...is it really that hard to move on? Looking at things that remind me of you hurts, listening to songs we shared together hurts, imagining a glimpse of you in places where we have been to hurts...You were totally right when you said it is foolish to forsake almost 4 years for 1 month...

Why do you stick with it then, you might ask. Ego? Pride? She's really better? To be honest, perhaps it was a breath of fresh air at the start, and I was after the thrill at our expense, but now, there are reasons above and beyond that. I was totally unfair...totally...

But still, why does sadness set in when I realise that you are already cutting off connections? (Social media be damned...) Why does my heart ache still? Why do I feel weird when we have not talked in more than a week? I keep thinking to myself, it shouldn't end this way.

And now, tomorrow is our supposed "4th anniversary"...as much as it hurts me...Happy 4th Anniversary to us, if not together, at least for knowing you for 4 years. I still want to know how you are doing, but I guess asking for your friendship will hurt you again...

And lastly...It's really over, isn't it?

FUCK OFF

Its time to let go.

Let go of fucked up indecisive heartless superficial loserish bastard who gets manipulated by desperate fucked up 31 year old bitch.

Its time to move on, so FUCK OFF U BASTARD. You dont deserve my time, effort and love. Let alone friendship.

Its THE END.

Genting Getaway.

The carefree happy days in Genting.. Let's go there again okay? =)

Thanks to all!

Firstly, thanks dear Let, for the iPhone, love it!

Thanks to my parents, for upgrading my phone plan (dad) and celebrating with a good meal at Zi Char (mum and dad). Also thanks to my brother for being precisely on time to call me and wish me on 25th April 0000 hours haha...thanks to sis for her present.

Thanks Ron and ZR, for the nice Goldlion wallet

Thanks too, to all who wished me, via word of mouth, phonecalls, SMSes and Facebook.

Had a great birthday, thanks all!

Now to graduate >.>

NTU Maritime Studies...DUMPING GROUND?!

Just got a major gripe here...

I was looking through this site that I usually visit, and I saw that it had a new article, titled Graduate Employment Survey 2009.

Looking through it, I noticed that my course, Maritime Studies, was in the list, as a 'dumping grounds' course! Wow...I'm speechless. For one, the term 'dumping grounds' is just is a little too harsh, no? For another, I didn't realise how lowly Maritime Studies graduates have descended on the pay ladder...

Judging from my friends in the course who have gotten job offers, the number sounds alright, roughly 2.5 to highest 2.8-2.9. That's of course before I saw this article. After reading through, I have to say that we Maritime students have been living under a rock...Thriving in our own world, happy with our own salary prospects, completely oblivious to the outside situation...

I even heard an offer of 2.2k from a friend, and I was cringing at the figure...What's more, alot of shipping positions, though they do prefer maritime students, are actually open to ALL faculties. So someone from, say, chemical engineering can just compete with us for our jobs. All he/she will need is just a learning period of a few months on the job training. That sucks!

So...
1) Maritime degree is so general, that it offers very little value over other more specialised degrees
2) Maritime positions are so lowly paid...
Yet we still contend with it...why?

And the reason why I took this course was the good prospects, or so I thought. It is looking more and more dreary as time goes on...and quite a few of my classmates have yet to find jobs. We are headed for hell it seems. Future ain't too bright, prospects ain't too great, industry looks stagnant(hell, its so volatile that every financial crisis will bring the sector to its knees, and it is also the last to recover!!)

Only redeeming factor might be chartering/brokering fields, where there is good money to be made, if you're interested in those fields. Take note though, charterers/broker are usually worked into the ground for the 1st few years-totally no work life balance at all.

Now that I've gotten it off, I can go sleep...All the best, dumping grounds graduates!

It's all about jobs and FYP these days...

Wow, time really flies..I'm sure we can all attest to that.

Its already our last sem in NTU, the 4 years just flew past. What happened to the inbetween? Well...poofed in the blink of an eye of course. So...cherish whatever time you have!

Graduating soon, and these days, all the conversations go as follows...
"Hey...so have u found a job?" "Nah, kena rejected by that company..." "Aww too bad, I'm going interview later heh"

"Hey, how's FYP coming along?" "Nah, not too well, got alot of corrections, and content not strong" "Aww too bad, mine is crap too, gotta do it up, but so lazy!"

Sounds familiar? Of course it does, that is really all we can talk about these days. Given the flurry in job hunting and resume bombardment, coupled with the ever looming threat of FYP over our shoulders, it will be hard pressed to find something else to talk about.

It's all gonna end soon, thats a consolation, except for unlucky people who still can't secure a job by graduation. For them, I can only guess their pains and anxiety...Being left out of the job hunting rat race, I sometimes wonder how well I would have fared, and which companies would have given me a chance. How would I perform at the interviews? How many resumes would I have to send out? The trepidation of checking my email and spotting an email from a company I tried some time ago...The elations of securing a good job. All these feelings I can only imagine.

That is why I have to work even harder to break even in my career as compared to a fresh grad. And boy I would! However, all these is before I even step inside, so its very hard to say now. However, the biggest lure would be the autonomy to work, and rewards being linked to effort makes it sweeter. No work, no pay. More effort conversely translates to more reward heh (usually, not always) .

Good luck to the graduating maritime studies class of 2010. Find a good job soon, do well in FYP, get the final FINAL exams over and done with, and all the best in life!

Remember to include:
1. Desaru during Christmas
2. Tioman for diving
3. Europe with family
4. Batam
5. A Famosa

Happy Valentine's Day..

to u my dear. =) Hope u like the personally wrapped roses.

4 Vdays.. and counting.